Tuntud koomik postitas Instagrami jahmatava tõestuse oma ekskallima vägivaldsusest

Beth Selling

FOTO: Vida Press

29-aastane stand-up-koomik Beth Stelling postitas nädala alguses oma Instagrami foto vägivallajälgedest, mis tõestavad taas kord, et lähisuhtevägivalda on kõrvalt väga raske märgata.

Kuigi Stellingi elukutse on teiste naerutamine ja ainest selleks saab ta alati enda elust, on üks oluline teema, mida ta pikalt vältis. Nüüd aga otsustas naine siiski oma suu lahti teha, sest probleemi varjamine ja vaikimine ei aita mitte kedagi.

Pildi juurde on koomik kirjutanud, et kuigi see pilt on sotsiaalmeedias tavatu, ei ole taoline olukord seda mitte. Enamasti peljatakse Bethi sõnul lähesuhtevägivallast avalikult rääkida, sest kardetakse endast halba muljet jätta ning avameelsuses võidakse näha ka ohtu oma karjäärile. «Kui ma tänavu suvel oma eksist lahku läksin, siis mitte seepärast, et ma teda ei armastaks, vaid just selle pärast,» viitas ta pildil nähtud sinikatele. «Kui sõbrad ja kolleegid küsivad, miks me lahku läksime, siis ei ole sellele lihtne või mugav vastata. See ole justkui kohane asi, mida öelda laval, peol või pulmas. See on piinlik. Ma tunnen end lollina.»

Suhe vägivaldse mehega ei lõppenud päevapealt, sest naine läks mehe juurde korduvalt tagasi. «Pärast seda, kui ta oli mind verbaalselt ja füüsiliselt väärkohelnud, mind vägistanud, olin temaga veel kaks kuud koos,» kirjutas ta. «See ei ole lihtne.»

Pärast lahkuminekut mangus mees, et naine ei räägiks avalikult sellest, mis tegelikult toimus. Esialgu oligi meelelahutajana leiba teeniv naine sellega nõus, sest ta ei tahtnud tekitada tüli ja lootis nii asjast kiiremini üle saada. «Ma tahtsin edasi minna ja unustada, sest ma ei saanud aru. Ma ei tahtnud talle kätte maksta ega taha praegugi talle liiga teha, aga sellise asja maha salgamine on ennastkahjustav, sest minu naljad tulevad otse mu elust. See on minu elukutse. Minu eraelu ongi minu töö. Selline olen ma alati olnud, ma teen süngest naljaka.»

Nüüdsest lubab naine endal nalja teha ka lähisuhtevägivalla üle, sest see ei puuduta ainult teda. Juba nüüd, kui Beth Stelling on selle kulul mõne nalja heitnud, on tagasiside olnud väga hea ja julgustav, sest varjatult vägivalla all kannatajaid on väga palju. 

Vaata Beth Stellingi Instagrami pilti siit!

Same girl in all of these photos (me). I've had an amazing year and you've seen the highlights here, so these photos are an uncommon thing to share but not an uncommon issue. You may be weirded out but do read on. I have a point. There are many reasons not to make an abusive relationship public, mostly fear. Scared of what people will think, scared it makes me look weak or unprofessional. When I broke up with my ex this summer, it wasn't because I didn't love him, it was because of this. And I absolutely relapsed and contacted him with things I shouldn’t have, but there are no “best practices” with this. When friends or comics ask why we broke up it's not easy or comfortable to reply; it doesn't seem like the appropriate thing to say at a stand-up show, a party or a wedding. It's embarrassing. I feel stupid. After being verbally, physically abused and raped, I dated him for two more months. It's not simple. After I broke up with him he said, "You're very open and honest in your stand-up, and I just ask that you consider me when you talk about your ex because everyone knows who you're talking about." And I abided. I wrote vague jokes because we both live in L.A. and I didn't want to hurt him, start a war, press charges, be interrogated or harassed by him or his friends and family. I wanted to move on and forget because I didn’t understand. I don't want revenge or to hurt him now, but it's unhealthy to keep this inside because my stand-up is pulled directly from my life. It's how I make my living. My personal is my professional. That is how I've always been; I make dark, funny. So now I'm allowing this to be part of my story. It's not my only story, so please don't let it be. If you live in L.A., you've already started to hear my jokes about this and I ask you to have the courage to listen and accept it because I’m trying. Already since talking about this onstage, many women have come to me after shows asking me to keep doing it. Men have shown their solidarity. An ex-girlfriend of this ex-boyfriend came to me and shared that she experienced the same fate. Then there was another and another (men and women) who shared other injustices at his hand that..

A photo posted by Beth Stelling (@bethstelling) on